Motivations Inside a tent
by Red3
Summary: Yet another "what if" story for the tent scene in Eclipse. As a fan of Jacob, this is what I wish had happened. Will take a few chapters to complete.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I haven't written a fanfic in years, not since I was in high school. Now I'm in grad school with a job, and I never thought I'd get back into this stuff. I read the Twilight series this summer, mostly to see what the hype was all about. I must say, I did not enjoy being in Bella's mind to write this – but basically I wanted to give my favorite character, Jake, a little gift of a scene. Needless to say, I am not Meyer, and these characters are all hers for better or for worse.**

…**.**

I was terrified. I was nervous. I blamed myself for the coming battle and risk to those I loved. Lying in that tent with Edward, I kept thinking about how all of this was my fault. If only I wasn't so klutzy. If only I didn't smell so good. If only I hadn't gotten involved in Edward's family and life.

But could I bring myself to regret that? The way I saw it, everyone would be better off not knowing or caring about me. Then the Cullens wouldn't be defending me from Victoria and her newborns, and the werewolves wouldn't be beset with numerous vampires on their lands. I shook at the thought of anyone getting hurt tomorrow. Afterall, Victoria's one and only purpose in coming here tomorrow was to find, torture, and kill me.

Revenge for James, because Edward had killed him to protect me. James had only gone after me because Edward was so protective. Edward was protective because I was too tempting as vampire bait.

I didn't question whether or not Edward loved me anymore; after he returned with me from Italy, I understood his motivations in leaving after my birthday. He truly did love me to a ridiculous degree, whether I deserved it or not. I know that he would (and did) argue that all of this was worth it just to keep me alive and safe.

Even when I didn't want to be alive. I wanted him to kill me, make me like him. Beautiful forever, young forever, and with him forever. Edward kept insisting my life was too important to be thrown away on immortality – To him, vampirism was death. To me, it was everlasting life.

Last night when we were in his room together, alone, in that huge bed, I begged him to give me the one thing I wanted out of this mortal life. I wanted his passion, his physical love, something I had never been able to enjoy before. I knew that he had been nervous about injuring me, he even demonstrated how easily he could crush my bones. But I'm a teenager who has never been able to go further than kissing, and I wanted to explore the unknown territory of sexuality with the one I loved.

His rejection hurt more than I let him see. I knew that he wasn't disgusted by me, but I couldn't help but feel a little offended. Irrationally, I was afraid he thought I was a hussy for offering myself. He wouldn't try anything without a ring, and I know that if a girl behaved the way I did in his time, a near century ago, she'd be labeled as fast and loose.

The rejection also helped me realize something that I had never _really_ considered before; Edward lusted after my blood more than he lusted after _me_. Given the guilt-free choice of drinking my blood or making love with me, he would always choose the former. It wasn't a sentiment that I could fully understand. My love didn't include bloodlust, only the basic, normal, healthy kind of lust that came from wanting to be closer to my boyfriend. The thought unsettled me, and while Edward certainly knew I was peeved about him forcing me into a teenage engagement, I doubt he caught all the nuances of the conversation and my reactions.

I was engaged. I shied from the thought, cringed as my stomach turned. Whether or not I loved Edward and wanted eternity with him, I did not want marriage. Especially as a teenager. I made it clear it was not what I wanted, but it made no difference to him. I felt like last night was all about what Edward wanted. I was frustrated in my attempts to achieve happiness last night and bent to his will.

The more I remembered it, the angrier I got. I forgot my guilt and panic and just concentrated on my resentment of Edward. I still felt my love for him deep down, but right now I really didn't like him. In fact, I was pretty annoyed.

Shivering in the tent, I stared over at my marble Adonis in the corner, leaning away from me in an effort to keep me warm. It wasn't working, and we both knew it, but he wanted to be near me, and initially I had begged him to stay. It was comforting at first to have him there after yet another disconcerting conversation with Jacob. But now, as my thoughts reviewed the events of my unfortunate engagement, I really just wanted some time alone to think. It seems like I always had one of the two around me at all times, and the only moments I had to myself were my "human moments" when I performed the basic necessities of survival. Edward thought those moments were adorable and quaint.

Right now I wanted Edward to just leave for a few minutes, to give me some time to huff and puff and pout about him without him witnessing it. If I were to so much as quiver a lip right now he'd be probing me with questions and concerns, and that's not what I wanted.

"E-e-edwa-a-ard" I chattered out, trying to ignore the cold. I was desperately searching for a way to ask him to leave without him getting distressed.

"Yes, Love?" He asked, concern writ upon his face, amber eyes sweeping over me. His head leaned closer by a few inches from across the tent.

"It's so c-c-c-cold…" That was the best I could do. I was stalling for time to think.

"I'm so sorry. I know I can't be making it any better for you right now. I wish I could hold you and keep you warm. Is there anything I can do to improve the situation?"

Now was the time for me to tell him to get the hell out. But I couldn't do it. I didn't want to see him hurt, no matter how unhappy I was with his actions. "I d-d-d-don't know. I j-j-just need to b-be warmer-r-r…"

His face twisted as he blamed himself for the weather. Then his brow cleared, and his eyes went distant for a few moments. I recognized the look; he was reading a mind.

"Jake believes he has a solution to the problem. He is about to phase to human form and join us."

I frowned as I shivered, not understanding what I had missed. Quickly Edward moved to the flap of the tent and poked his head out, addressing Jake, I assumed. I could barely hear over the roar of the wind, but I think I heard him say "Send him in." Edward's voice was flat and hard, and I hadn't heard Jake's voice at all.

Edward leaned towards me, moving up to where my eyes peeked out from my coat, scarf, blankets and sleeping bag. A wave of icy air accompanied him. I did my best not to shiver even more and move away. He didn't touch me, but I could tell he wanted to as he moved a finger near my brow, tracing its shape in the air. He looked troubled, but determined.

"Bella, Love, I think my presence in this tent is only making the temperature drop more than necessary, which may cause you harm. I'm going to leave the tent and stay outside for awhile. Just as well; I doubt there will be any room in here for me anyways. But at least you'll be warm, and protected."

Chilled as I was, all I could manage was a shaky nod and a sound of affirmation. Edward took one last look at me, while I stared at him, waiting for him to give me some space. So quickly I barely saw it, he darted out of the tent, letting in as little air as possible.

Barely two seconds passed before the flap of the tent was nudged aside and a large form began to invade the tiny space. I was startled by the appearance, because it was not what I expected at all. I had expected Jake to immediately take Edward's place with a cocky smile. Instead I was greeted with a completely different face inside the tent.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: This chapter is a little long, and possibly a little slow. It's a lot of Bella's internal monologue, but I feel that it's necessary to explain her choices in this story. Otherwise, I feel that she would be very OOC. Don't worry, it's still a Jacob/Bella story! Thanks for the adds and reviews, guys!**

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I was momentarily dumbfounded at sight before me. A huge wolf was struggling to make its way into the tent without opening the flap too wide. Of course, I first assumed it was Jacob, and opened my mouth to question him when I looked into those dark eyes and realized it was Seth that was invading my personal space.

"Seth?? What's going on?" I chattered out, staring at him with what I'm sure were wide eyes. The wolf paused in his struggle, cocked his head at me, and waited for me to realized that he couldn't answer.

From outside the tent, Edward's velvet voice drifted in, "Bella, Seth is going to try to keep you warm while I wait out here. I assumed that you would be more comfortable with his presence." _Than with Jacob's_, was the implied conclusion. A low growl from the snowstorm told me that Jacob was listening.

I wasn't sure how to respond to Edward, so I just squeaked out an "ok" while Seth shimmied his entire form into the tent. I was frankly shocked he fit; these werewolves were almost as big as horses when phased. Luckily Seth was younger and smaller than Jacob, Paul and Sam, and he finally managed to swing his bushy tail inside the flap. From outside, a marble hand zipped us in together.

I glanced over at Seth, who watched my face warily. His canine eyes looked worried and apologetic. I could tell he was trying to keep his furry body a few inches away from me, pressed to the other side of the tent. I felt sorry for him, he was obviously very uncomfortable with the entire situation. He worshipped Jake as a pack leader, and he seemed to like Edward enough, despite the whole natural-born-enemy thing. I knew that he (and every other member of the pack) was aware of Jacob's feelings for me.

I decided to try to comfort him. I really owed him; the tent was already beginning to heat up, and my teeth had stopped chattering while I was feeling sorry for him.

"Thanks for helping out, Seth. Your freakish body temperature is like a space heater." I couldn't help myself, trying to get closer to the warmth, I pushed my hands and feet into his fur, waiting for sensation to return to the appendages.

Seth bobbed his head in response, looking away from me, eyes distant. I assumed that he was listening to the other wolves' thoughts, maybe conversing with them. I wondered what they were talking about. Probably the battle tomorrow.

With a jolt, I realized that Jake was also in wolf form, right outside with Edward. He and Seth were likely thinking about me, and this situation. And Edward could hear every thought in their heads. Not only their heads, but the entire pack's. Each of the three boys here were linked into each other, with me on the outside, the cause of all their troubles as usual.

As that thought hit me, I remembered the reason I wanted alone time. Edward, the always-sacrificial, would only give me what I want if it agreed with what he wanted. If last night had gone as I wanted it to go, I would not longer be innocent, awkward Bella. Well, I would still be awkward, but I would have gained one life experience with the love of my life. A completely normal life experience that every teenager should want, it's only natural. I had spent countless hours imagining what my first time with Edward would be like. Of course, since he was perfect, I had imagined our first time would be perfect. I thought of slow kisses, gentle caresses, gradual disrobing and incredible pleasure.

Last night, I was nervous and excited to finally get my chance to realize those fantasies. What could be more perfect than our situation last night? A big, beautiful bed, an abandoned house for just the two of us, possibly our last comfortable night together . As confident as Jacob and Edward were about their abilities to fend off the newborns, I knew there were risks and factors neither has considered. They weren't worrying enough. And if Edward or I die tomorrow, we won't have been together as I wanted us to be. And we'll never get that chance again.

Even if we survive unharmed, Edward makes me go through with this ridiculous engagement, will he then still try to refuse me? Think up some other excuse not to touch me? If I was brutally and obscenely honest, there were many ways for us to share pleasure that shouldn't involve his bloodlust. I wanted that, damn it. I wanted physical pleasure.

Seth huffed out some warm breath next to me, and I blushed as I realized my thoughts while lying next to him.

"Seth…" I murmured, nudging myself away from him to look in his eyes. "Are they watching me through you right now? Both of them are in here with us, aren't they?"

Seth wasn't at all confused by my reference. He sort of sighed, then bobbed his head.

"Well, then, listen Edward and Jacob," I said quietly, staring into Seth's eyes, "stop using poor Seth as a television set and get some rest. I can't sleep knowing all of you are watching me like hawks. Honestly, this is ridiculous. All of you and everyone else are risking your lives tomorrow, and I'll be safe and sound, hidden away. Maybe you should all start worrying about the others." I huffed, thinking about Alice and Jasper and Sam and all the others.

I collapsed back into my blankets, finally warmed through. Seth nudged my shoulder with his massive snout. I looked over at him as he gave me a wolfy smirk, clearly amused. I smiled at him and reached out to scratch his ears. His eyes closed and he leaned close, enjoying the sensation. After a few seconds, I felt awkward treating my friend like a pet, so I dropped my hand.

I stared up at the top of the tent, and sighed to myself. I whispered, "I wish I knew that the others were okay. What if they're in trouble right now?"

A few moments passed silently while I worried. I could feel the prickle of tears begin, burning the backs of my eyes. I squeezed them shut, trying not to let myself fall apart. Why was I always so emotional? I silently yelled at myself to calm down, but I could feel one hot tear slide down my cheek, cooling as it hit the cold air.

Seth tried to touch my shoulder with his big paw, but instead ended up slugging my arm with his superhuman strength. He hissed in apology and settled for laying his head on my arm, whining quietly. I patted his head and snout while a few more tears escaped.

"Sorry, Seth. Don't worry, I'm fine." He jerked his head to where I imagined Jacob rested outside, then looked pointedly into my eyes, and nodded. It took me a few seconds, but I figured out that he meant to tell me that all the werewolves were fine for now. I nodded in understanding.

Seth's canine expression changed suddenly, and he looked away from me to the front of the tent. His head cocked to the side, then his ears pricked. I waited impatiently for him to try to communicate to me what was happening.

He then looked at me, watching my eyes, obviously confused. His mouth opened awkwardly to reveal sharp teeth and a lolling tongue, then he snapped it shut again. He squinted at me, but I just shook my head in response.

"I don't get it. What's happening?" He opened his mouth and let out a low bark, as if he forgot he couldn't speak in his wolf form. He shook his head in frustration. He didn't seem worried, so I assumed it was nothing dangerous. But I was anxious to know what was going on inside all of the boys' heads.

Seth gave up on trying to mime his thoughts to me, and returned his attention to whatever conversation was happening.

About a minute passed with me watching Seth's expression change. It seemed that he was arguing with someone, or at least annoyed by something. I could imagine this was what it was like to watch a schizophrenic hear voices in front of you. I felt incredibly detached and a little on edge. Seth rolled his eyes dramatically, turning back to me. For a moment, I could have sworn I saw a warning in his gaze, before he swung his head around to watch the flap at the front of the tent.

A large brown hand appeared and unzipped the flap as much as possible, letting in a huge gush of freezing snowy air. I dove beneath the blankets and sleeping bag, burrowing down to avoid the icy wind. I peeked out from between the folds of fabric, to see Seth trying to coordinate an odd maneuver. He was shuffling his huge shoulders, trying to back out of the tent. The fabric of the tent quivered and shook as his weight upset the poles. His tail flailed as his hindquarters barely made it out into the snow. At last his shoulders and head cleared the flap, and another wave of cold air hit me. I hid under my coverings, trying to retain the warmth that Seth had given me. I could already feel the cold seeping into my bones again.

I listened as the plastic of the tent shifted and something moved against it. I heard the sharp zip of the flap as the cold air was cut off again. I already knew who had replaced Seth, but wasn't yet ready to acknowledge it.

He breathed heavily beside me and huffed a bit. I could feel him staring at me, but I kept my whole head under my hood and blankets.

"Oh, for God's sake Bella!" He yanked away the top blanket and my hood, exposing my face. Jacob stared at me in frustration. "I can tell you're cold again, so stop being stubborn and just let me help."

Jacob quickly peeled away my blankets (much to my displeasure) and opened up my sleeping bag, crawling inside with me. I was too shocked to move away, and really had nowhere to go. In seconds the sleeping bag was zipped up again, squeezing our two bodies together. He was shirtless, as always, and I think he had sweatpants on. His chest pressed against my back as he wrapped his arms around me, burning my freezing skin where I made contact with him. I pressed my cheek against his chest, over his heart, and pressed my icy fingers into his stomach, almost ignoring the small hiss he let out.

"Sorry." I whispered. I knew the cold must have startled him.

"S'ok." He responded, pressing his cheek against my hair.

"Why did Seth leave? Why are you in here?" I asked, not particularly caring at the moment, so happy to have such a source of warmth with me.

"Well, umm… We saw you start to cry when you were worrying about the others." His huge hand began to pet my head, running his fingers through my hair to comfort me. "The pack is all fine. Some are sleeping in the snow, some are running patrols."

"Yeah, I got that from Seth." I said, yawning despite my efforts not to. Now that I was starting to get warm again, I was feeling tired.

"Hm. I think that your bloodsucker felt bad, and wanted to check on his family so he could come back and tell you that they were all okay too." Jake's lips moved against my hair as he spoke, and his chest rumbled with his voice. It was so comforting.

"Why didn't he just read their minds?" I asked myself aloud. Jake thought I was asking him.

"I dunno. Maybe they were out of range. I'm just guessing all of this, your vampire didn't exactly explain himself to me, just looked tortured and left. I got the impression he'd be back tonight."

"Kay." It was all I could think to say. I let the situation settle into my consciousness. I was alone in a tent with Jacob, Edward was God knows where, and Seth was outside somewhere. I wondered how Edward would feel about my company, but quickly convinced myself I didn't care as long as I was warm.

We spent fifteen minutes in silence, lying together in the tent. I pressed my feet against his shins and he shifted his arms around me so that he could rub my arms to make them warm up. I tried not to get nervous about the touches. I tried to just think of them as our normal friendly touches, like when we would hold hands while Edward was gone. At some point Jacob moved his head to lie on the pillow behind mine, and each of his exhalations warmed the back of my neck. For some reason, it made me squirm.

I tried to cover it up by twisting around to look at him. "Jacob, why did you replace Seth? You only told me why Edward left." I was whispering, with our faces only a few inches apart. I stared at his chest; I didn't have the nerve to look into his eyes right now.

Jake sighed. "Yeah, I know. After Edward left, I kept seeing you through Seth. I saw that you were worried and trying to hide it. I had been watching you through him for awhile, and I can tell something big is bothering you. Maybe something not related to the newborns?" His tone was careful and questioning, and he forced me to meet his gaze. He glanced down to my lips, then moved back an inch while I hastily looked away again. "Anyway, I felt really bad that Seth couldn't tell you what was going on, and…" He bit his lip, shifting his body nervously. "I know I've been kind of cocky about the battle but, well, I know there is a chance that I can get hurt, or one of my brothers, or even you." He shuddered, and squeezed me against his chest, shifting me so that our fronts were firmly pressed together. He was hugging me too hard, but I didn't have the heart to complain just then.

He continued, "The truth is, there are some things I think we should talk about, given the possibility that one of us might get hurt tomorrow, and we won't have another chance. Maybe not talk about things… I guess I really wanted the opportunity to spend just a little more time with you. Since that bloo- since he came back from Italy or wherever with you, I feel like I've been losing you. I feel like my time is limited."

I nodded, knowing what he meant. He didn't want to lose me, and I didn't want to lose him either. I felt a pull towards him that I couldn't explain, and we both knew his feelings for me. He was my other choice. He was my Paris. Problem was Romeo came back into the picture.

For now though, it was just the two of us in the tent. Could it be like the times we spent in his garage? Could this be casual? Could we pretend like we were just friends?

I concentrated on the heat of his body and the thump of his strong living heart beneath his ribs.

No. No, I couldn't forget the possibilities that lay between us. I couldn't forget the kiss he had forced. I couldn't ignore my feelings for him, even when I knew my feelings for Edward were deeper.

I thought about Edward and my anger towards him. I reviewed my feelings about the last 24 hours. Then, cautiously, I thought about Jacob in that context. If it had been Jacob, he certainly would not have denied me any physical pleasure. He was a hormonal teenage boy-wolf. It was only natural that he would want to touch a girl, and be touched. His first thoughts weren't of killing me and drinking my blood. His desire for me was first and foremost, with no murderous intentions. I wish Edward was like that. As much of a gentleman as Edward is, his motivation for keeping me virtuous wasn't honor or love, it was caution and terror of his impulses.

After Jacob has kissed me, I had thought about what a cad he was, and how happy I was that Edward respected my boundaries – or, at least, his boundaries. That night I had laid in bed thinking about the kiss (just as Jacob had promised me I would), and wishing that Edward would sometimes treat me that way that Jacob did. That he would let go of propriety, let his desire for me take over, and just grab me up and kiss me. Try to touch me. Test _my _boundaries.

Instead he just forced me into an engagement.

Jake wouldn't have insisted upon marriage because he knows how much I hate the idea of it at such a young age. Even if he did want to get married, he would have at least listened to my feelings on the subject.

I looked up at Jake's face as his deep breaths pressed into me. I felt his big hands spread across my back, his thigh pressed to mine. My face heated as I realized I was thinking about that kiss while in his arms. He looked down at me for a moment, trying to read my eyes. I looked away.

I wondered how long Edward would be gone. For some weird reason, my heart began to pound and heat zipped through my veins. I then realized that Jakes hand had shifted, one of his pinkies brushing within an inch of the hem of my pants. Nowhere near being indecent or rude, but enough to make me want more contact. Acting on my hormonal instincts, I wrapped my arms tighter around Jake's midsection.

Underneath my ear, his own heartbeat sped up.

A moment in time from spring break came back to me. The two of us in my truck, after I dove off that cliff at First Beach. His cheek on my hair, my head on his shoulder. I remembered considering kissing his bare skin. I remembered contemplating a relationship. I remembered wishing that moment hadn't ended so quickly.

What if…

Jacob's voice distracted me.

"Bells… I want to ask you something." My pulse quickened with nervousness, and I knew that whatever questions was coming, it would be along that same line as my thoughts.

In my anxiety, I shifted against Jake, placing a hand higher on his back, feeling his shoulder blades on his expansive back. Jake pulled away from me a fraction of an inch.

"It's about that time I kissed you, Bells…"

I swear my heart was going to crack my ribs. It sounded like Jacob's heart was trying to do the same for him.

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**Don't worry, we'll get to the good stuff in the next chapter! ;-)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I know! I know! It took me months and months to update this! I'm sorry! What are my excuses? Well, I had to study for and take comprehensive exams, and then finish my last semester of finals (I graduated! I have a master's! Yay!) and then I started a job. But mostly… I guess I've been really nervous about writing smutty stuff. I'm not a very experienced love scene author. So here's hoping it goes over well…**

….

"It's about that time I kissed you, Bells…"

I was trying not to hyperventilate. Did I really want Jake to bring this up right now, in this intimate a setting? Sure, I had been thinking about it, but to _talk_ about it…

"Why were you so angry with me? I mean, I get that you didn't want me to kiss you and you hurt your hand, but you were _really_ mad." Jake sounds sad, which is a tone I've heard from him often. It's always been my fault too. I hadn't expected his question, but I felt obligated to tell him the truth.

I slowly inhaled, steadying myself. I tried not to shift against his body.

"Jake, it wasn't about me breaking my hand on your superhuman jaw. It wasn't about you forcing it, either. I initially hit you out of panic, I think, and I felt a little betrayed because you weren't acting like yourself. But I was so angry and hurt after… after I hit you."

For a few moments, Jake was disconcertingly silent. I knew he was thinking hard.

"I'm not sure I follow, Bells."

"Oh. Um, well you acted pretty proud of yourself –"

He interrupted, "Well, I was happy that I got to –"

"You were cocky, Jacob."

There were another few moments, during which I felt Jake's body jerk a bit, and I imagined him opening and closing his mouth, trying to figure out how to respond.

"I mean", I continued, "You were acting like some college frat guy or something, who was so proud he got to second base or whatever-"

"Bells, second base is further-"

"I _know_, Jacob!" I whispered harshly. I tensed and flattened my hands against his hot skin. "I'm just saying that you weren't acting like _my_ Jacob! You were like some giant hormonal stranger! Our first kiss turned into some sort of ego-fulfilling achievement for you, instead of a wonderful shared moment for the two of us! I always thought you were nicer than that, and it wasn't how…" I ran out of steam, and realized I might have said things that should not have been said.

I felt Jacob's heart hammering away again, and he seemed to be holding his breath. I was trying to figure out how to back-pedal when he spoke in a rush.

"Wait so that means that you had thought about it before. That you had considered me a possibility, you know, as a boyfriend." He paused, seeming to choke on his breath. I was making unintelligent noises, feeling panic rise inside me. Surely he must have realized it by now? Even though I had been so firm about my love for Edward…

"Bella…" Jake's burning hand found my chin and turned my blushing face up towards his. "I'm sorry I ruined our… first kiss. I felt like I was so short on time, that I kind of just went for it. If I had known that there was – No, I mean that my feelings for you – Um, how did you think our kiss would go?"

I felt light-headed. Maybe it was the heat of the sleeping bag, or the stress of the night, or all my blood rushing into my cheeks. I was so reluctant to be in this emotional territory with Jacob, but as I let myself consider answering him, I also considered the possibilities of tomorrow's battle. This was my best friend, and he deserved the unguarded truth. To hell with the consequences, he had earned the right to hear me acknowledge my feelings.

"When… When it was just the two of us," And I knew he understood I meant the time when Edward was gone and I was a zombie, "I eventually let the idea of recovery settle in my mind. I started to notice that I was feeling better with you, and the more time we spent together, the closer we got, I felt better, and I thought about the Cullens less. I was selfish, though, as you know, and didn't want to let go of my memories, even though it would have allowed me to be happy. Whenever I entertained those thoughts, though, I mean thoughts of moving on… I thought of you with me. I knew that I needed you, but I convinced myself I needed you just as a friend."

Jake's breathing had evened out and I could tell he was concentrating on my words. I kept talking, afraid of an interruption before I lost my temporary courage, "My dad started to say things though, and my friends and the pack. They forced me to see you as a boy, I mean a male, I mean…" I stuttered. Jacob's stomach shuddered against mine, holding in a laugh. I pinched him in good humor. He jumped a bit. "But I guess I always saw the two of us as typical teenagers, who would go to bonfires and laugh, and maybe even go to dances together, eventually see movies together, just the two of us, and go through the natural steps of a relationship. It could have been so normal for us, Jake, without the vampires and werewolves."

He lifted one of his arms and began to stroke my hair. His breathing was deep again, and he was holding me gently. I wanted to cry for it, for the possibility of us. For all the lost laughs and smiles and hugs and shy kisses and even the awkward dances, despite my hatred for the things. Jacob would have found a way to make me enjoy dancing.

"We would have been natural together, Jacob. Our families, our friendship… If things were normal –"

I was cut off as Jacob grabbed me around the ribs and squeezed. It was painful but I wanted it. I wanted to feel his love and affection for me, my head buried under his chin against his collarbone, his forearms almost cracking my ribs. I didn't complain about it.

He needed a moment to gather his voice. Instead of another confession of love and insistence that I leave Edward, he merely muttered, "Thank you, Bells".

I know he could probably feel my wet cheeks and my hiccupped breathing, but I knew he didn't care. He wasn't going to try to get me to stop crying this time. I think he was crying too. I lifted a hand up, shifting my shoulders away from his chest to give myself a few inches of space, and I touched his cheek and eyelashes, feeling for the matching tears. I found one, at the corner of his eye, the warm wetness spread on my fingertip.

It was a moment I knew would define us for the rest of our lives. This was Jacob and I. All the acceptance and love and bonding between us rose up and blanketed our souls – and I felt completely content. I wished for nothing and yearned for no one. I had everything I needed. This would have been my existence if only there was no magic; the two of us sharing our warmth and happiness and wanting nothing more.

Without thought, we ran on complete emotion. In the darkness, I felt myself reaching forward as my fingers slid down his cheek, my other hand bracing on his chest, palm over his steady heart. We both shifted slowly and I could feel his large hands moving up my back to cradle my shoulder blades, enveloping me in his warmth.

And then, as traditional and natural as could be, our lips met softly as our eyes closed. His were very soft and wonderfully warm and I decided I adored the feel of human lips. It was a simple kiss, and only lasted a few seconds before we both pulled back an inch and let out a breath.

It was then that the shyness hit full force. What had I done? I waited for the gut-wrenching panic and guilt to hit, but Jacob's warmth kept it at bay. I decided to just wait and see what Jake would do. He was getting tense, I could feel it in his muscles, and in the way his hands held me. In tandem, our hearts sped up as the mutual discovery of our potential hit us, deep in our bellies. I began to shake, poised above him by only a couple inches, suddenly unbearably aware of his large body laid out beneath mine.

His left hand began to move up from my shoulder to my collarbone, and then higher, grazing along the side of my neck before settling at my nape. The journey caused small waves of electricity to shoot through me. The comforting weight of his familiar hand brought my lips back down to his.

This started out much like the first, with a simple meeting of mouths. We held ourselves together, though, not wanting to move away. Jake slowly shifted to kiss my upper lip, then my lower. I pressed myself against him each time, settling into the pleasure of our touches.

Carefully Jacob slid his right hand around my waist, pulling me closer to his body as he used his other thumb to strongly stroke my sensitive neck. A shock of sensation slammed through me and I gasped against him, opening my mouth to his kiss. At first he held back and just angled his head against mine, hugging me hard. I closed my lips, and then decided to just pour myself into him. I opened up to Jacob, and tentatively I searched –

The absolute heat of his tongue stroking against mine was enough to make me shudder in his arms. I had never been kissed this way, despite my best efforts. There was no venom to worry about here, only lust and fire and passion. I felt as if my bones were melting into nothingness, and my body was about to combust from an internal lightning storm. I realized slowly, as awareness of my limbs registered in my conscious mind, that I was gripping Jacob's broad chest frantically. I eased my hands flat, but couldn't help my impulse to stroke his muscles and then run my fingers along his face and into his shaggy dark hair. Jacob's breathing kicked up a notch at that, and he ran his own hand through my long hair and cupped the back of my head. Our lips and tongues were still meeting again and again as I shifted restlessly on top of him. I wanted to get closer, I tried to pull myself up higher on his body, trying to find purchase with my legs –

Jacob gasped and pulled away just as I shimmied against him. He suddenly rolled so that I lay next to him, both of us on our sides, arms wrapped around each other. Our mouths were close, I felt each of his hot panting breaths fan over me. I had wrapped one leg around his thigh as he rolled us; I kept it there, unable to pull away from his heat.

I wanted more, I wanted to be closer, but Jacob moved his palm to the curve of my hip, and firmly pushed it a few inches away from himself. I felt my stomach clench as I fought his strength and realized I desperately wanted to wrap both my legs around his body.

"Bells," he panted out, and in the dim light I could see his eyes flicking between my wet lips and my eyes.

"Jacob." I answered with barely any voice behind my breath. My body and my heart were craving more contact, and I didn't want to deny them anymore. I let a long, slow sigh pass my lips, and locked my gaze with his. "I really do love you…" I whispered to him.

He knew, and I knew, that there was more to that statement than I voiced aloud. There was the unavoidable add-on of the auburn-haired vampire, and the reality of our conflicting lives. But for some reason, we both let it go.

Jacob leaned forward and caught my lips again, and this time I knew we were going somewhere I had never been before. There was an insinuation of discovery and lust that wasn't to be ignored. In fact, I was incredibly excited to follow along and experience this.

His hands became more insistent against me, pulling my chest against his. I found his tongue once again with mine, and became eager to touch more and more of our bodies together. Maybe it would help alleviate the itching, ticklish, aching fire inside me. I pulled myself closer with my leg that was wrapped around his, and shifted my hips to press into his abdomen –

His hands and arms sort of spasmed against my ribs and I gasped into his mouth. He was obviously terrified I'd pull away and be offended, but I really only felt shock… followed by intense curiosity. I had caused this… reaction. I wanted to cause more reactions. I merely listened to my body, and tightened my leg's grip on his upper thigh, and pressed myself into his hardness.

I think his brain was scrambled for a few seconds, because he barely moved and his lips had stopped kissing me. Maybe he was counting his lucky stars, I don't know. He eventually got his senses back, though, and seemed to return to me completely encouraged. His thumbs began to stroke my ribs, closer and closer to the cups of my bra, and his tongue suddenly became more aggressive, causing me to let out an involuntary moan into his mouth. That only fueled him more.

With all our shifting, my shirt was riding up and I felt the wonderful burning press of our bare stomachs touching. Jacob pulled back from me to let me breathe and began pressing kisses to my cheeks, jaw and neck. His rough hands hugged me close and one moved, as if accidentally, beneath the hem of my shirt. My mind started chanting, _yes, yes, yes, keep going_. I arched my back and pressed forward, hoping he'd get the idea, when he teasingly ran his searing tongue just beneath my ear and down the delicate skin of my neck. I tensed and moaned out his name unexpectantly, "_Jacob!_"

He took it for the permission it was; he slid his palm up slowly to the edge of my bra, and with barely any pause, covered my breast with his heated grip. I was already breathing hard, but I began panting in earnest, each of my breaths pressing me into his hand. I eagerly found his mouth again and dove my tongue in, shoving my hand into his hair and trying to pull him closer. He squeezed me before carefully stroking his thumb over the edge of my thin cotton support, shifting until he found my peak and ran his finger across it. I pressed my hips into his, trying to find some relief from the pit of need inside me and the waves of pleasure coursing under my skin, shooting from my mouth to my breasts to between my hips. I rocked against him as he touched my breast, thinking that I should have done this long, long ago.

Without warning, Jacob quickly shifted me away again, hands safely back on my ribs, hips moved back again, face above mine. I was now laying on my back beneath him, as his looked down on me, resting on one elbow.

"What? No, Jake, it's –"

"Please, Bella," Jacob huffed out. He let out a few more deep breaths before continuing. "I just need, um, a minute."

My mind zipped back to the undeniable erection I had discovered. I tried not to look down, because I knew he would catch it, even in the dark. Instead I stared at his lips.

As the seconds ticked by, I knew that this was the moment to stop – right here, right now. I could pull away and say this was a bad idea, this was dangerous territory, and I had another love waiting for me.

Jacob felt it too. He knew it was now or never. But he still gave me the opportunity. He knew me well enough to recognize the need to give me a chance.

A choice.

I had never loved him more. Even amongst all the suffocating hormones inside the tent, I saw Jacob for what he was: A good man. A man who loved me as I needed to be loved.

A man that I was in love with.

Nearly a full minute passed and I said nothing. I made no objections, and Jacob made no moves.

Finally, I raised one hand to stroke his lips and cheek, and my other hand once again found his beating heart. Jacob's muscles relaxed and he came closer, leaning down into my space again, settling his chest against mine, one strong thigh settled between mine. An intimidatingly large and hard heat pressed into my hip bone.

"I've never…" I whispered, trailing off. Jacob let out a warm puff of air against my face.

His lips touched mine lightly, moving against me as he spoke, "Neither have I".

We had slowed down drastically, and that was the way we proceeded. Shivering with nerves and excitement, I took his hand in mine and dragged it up my twitching stomach, taking my shirt with it. He took the cue, and carefully lifted the fabric up and over my arms, and then over my head. He threw it across the tent, then quickly pressed his body back against mine, warming me. He ran a finger lightly between my breasts, fingering the cups of my bra for awhile before kissing my cheek sweetly. I understood and wrapped my arms around his neck, allowing him to pull me up a bit and reach around my back. Jacob struggled during his first attempt to open the hook-and-eyes, but I kissed his neck and chin to keep him calm. He managed to undo the clasps, and so I let myself lower back down to the blankets, leaving my bra behind in his hands.

He stared at the fabric he was holding for a beat or two before he got rid of it and shifted his focus to my exposed chest.

I tried to fight the urge to cover myself up, even in the dark. I didn't have long to think about it, though, as Jacob flattened one hand against my stomach, and skimmed it upwards to my ribs. He let his fingertips dance uncertainly against my sternum before moving to the side to begin stroking and fondling my breast the way he had been while I was still clothed. I sighed and squirmed at the sensational onslaught, enjoying the sparks of pleasure as he found my nipple again and again. Once more I pulled him towards me for a kiss, but after indulging me for a minute, he moved to kiss and lick my neck, moving lower to my collarbone, where I felt a bit of his teeth against my skin. I laid back and felt his over developed biceps bunch and stretch as he moved, letting myself feel his lips kiss a line down from the hollow of my throat.

It was with a jolting shock that I registered his hot lips at the peak of my breast, and I nearly sat up from the surprise. Jacob placed a steadying hand on my shoulder to keep me down, and proceeded to lick, suck and kiss as I felt warm moisture pool in my body. I knew my underwear was going to be soaked as I shuddered and submitted myself to abject delight.

It suddenly became a very appropriate thought as I realized Jake was toying with my pants, he seemed to be hesitating again; awaiting permission to proceed. I decided that he needed some more encouragement, since after all he has never done this before either. I anticipated his action by reaching for his own sweats, and hooking my fingers into the waistband. I slid my fingers around from his hips to his front, accidentally brushing the top of his erection. At that touch, Jacob raised his lips from my breast, and met my eyes. Was he shocked? Was I taking this too far? Would I be able to please him?

"Bells?" He questioned. It was then that I noticed he had started shaking. It was very different than when he shook in rage or was about to phase… He was shivering just like me, in a very vulnerable way. A very human way.

"Jacob…" I murmured, pulling at his waistband, and pushing it down past his hips, then using my toes to pull his pants down to his calves, "please."

I timidly brought my hands back to him, finding him large and swollen in the darkness, and hotter than the rest of his body if possible. Jake bowed his head and buried his face in my neck and groaned into my hair as I experimentally wrapped my small hand around his base.

What now? I had never touched a boy like this before, I didn't know what to do! I had seen jokes about it, and mimed actions in movies and locker rooms, but is that what every guy likes?

I held my breath and moved my hand from base to tip, then journeyed back down, squeezing a bit, contemplating how thick he was. How was this going to work? I moved my other hand to the head and explored it with my fingers, wondering what this looked like in the light of day. Unconsciously my other hand at his base had been moving up and down, squeezing and stroking while Jake gasped and shook harder.

Suddenly his breath was in my ear, and I swear he growled softly as my thumb discovered a spot on the underside of the tip of him. At that moment I think maybe the wolf in him took over, of maybe it was just the teenage boy part of him, but in a couple quick and rough movements he had my pants off and had ripped the hem of my panties trying to get them past my knees. His hands grabbed my hips, and I thought, _this is it_, took my hands back from his body, and braced myself.

But I didn't feel him move between my legs. Instead I listened as his breathing in my ear changed, and after my heart started beating again, I realized he was smelling the air in the tent. He took a deep, big sniff, and exhaled on a deep rumbling groan which went straight through my ear and down to my already wet nether regions. I rubbed my thighs together, impatient.

Soon enough, though, Jacob began his own exploration. He cupped my mound first, then found my soaked opening, lightly brushing it at first before slowly and carefully pushing one of his fingers inside. I forgot to breathe altogether, trying to figure out the strange dichotomy between uncomfortable intrusion and yearning to be filled even more. He took his time, watching my face, giving me sweet kisses when I appeared to be in some sort of pain.

I wanted more though. It was a type of drive I had never felt before. I knew I _must_ have him inside me, instinctually, whether it was painful or stupid or whatever. I needed him. I tried to communicate this to Jake, but his thumb had found my button, hidden amongst my curls. My back arched, my legs tensed, and I nearly yelped as he pressed and stroked it perfectly.

Not knowing what possessed me, I gasped out, "How do you-"

"Uh, pack mind, Bells." Then he kissed me again to shut me up, I think.

Becoming more and more desperate with each throb of pleasure between my legs, and every stroke I received against my clit and what I can only assume is called the g-spot, I slapped my hands against Jacob's sides and pulled, trying to get him to lie on top of me, and fill me up. He didn't seem to get it though, he was concentrating really hard on his hand and its magic. I tried again by wrapping my hand around him and pumping. It made him tense and bite his lip and close his eyes, but as I touched him his fingers became more intense and confident, until I lost the ability to hold my hands up anymore. My hips were twitching and pulsing, and I felt like all the blood was emptying from my head and trekking south. Jake leaned over and very deliberately licked my left breast, sucking lightly at the tip-

In the next moment, my body combusted. The waves of lust and physical pleasure that had been building up suddenly crashed all over me, pooling and spreading to and from the points where Jacob was touching me. I cried out loudly, between pants, and my body bent at the middle until I had myself wrapped around Jacob, clutching him as I fell apart and came back together.

Even with the darkness of the tent's interior, I swore I lost my vision for a minute, and just felt like a glowing ball of glorious sensation. I was only vaguely aware of Jacob's movements, which included removing his hands from me, and wrapping one hand around my ankle, gently shifting my knee up then doing the same to the other leg. His breath was heavy and labored as he kissed one of my kneecaps and stroked a finger from my hip to my breast.

"God Bells you're beautiful. I love you." His voice came from right above my face, and I opened my eyes to see him looking at me. I kissed him soundly, maybe lazily, feeling like a weak kitten. As I ran my tongue along his lower lip, I felt him settle his heavy body over mine, hips fitting between my thighs. It felt nice, very comforting. Jacob placed one hand under my hip, reaching round to squeeze a cheek before tilting my hips up. At the moment, I wasn't sure what was going on, I was still discombobulated from such a powerful orgasm. I felt a heavy pressure against my entrance when I realized what was about to happen.

"Jake!" I burst out, panicking. This was it! This was my virginity! This was what I was determined to share with Edward, my fiancé!

"Bells, listen," Jake breathed out, obviously straining to keep still. "This is completely up to you. It's your decision, and no matter what you decide… I'll be content tonight." This last part was delivered with a smile in his voice. Not cocky, but maybe a bit wry.

I took a moment to think. The afterglow was still there, but dulled at the moment. I contemplated losing myself to Jake, then thought about the same situation with Edward. I thought about Jake's reassurances, and my comfort and freedom to indulge in reckless behavior. I thought of Edward's unrelenting devotion to me and need to keep me safe. His astounding restraint.

I let myself feel Jacob's presence all around me.

At that moment I knew – absolutely knew – that I was not going to marry Edward. And I was not going to lose my virginity to him either.

"Jacob." I ran my hands over him, everywhere I could reach. "I love you. I want you to be my first. Please, I want this. I love you." I poured my soul into the words, willing him to accept them, and to understand.

He simply bent his head to kiss me, sweetly, just like our first kiss of the night. He lowered himself down to his elbows, cupping my head in his hands.

He pressed forward into me, and I immediately felt stretched. I tried not to tense up, but this didn't feel as good as I had hoped. He was so _big_. I felt so small. After an uncomfortable minute, he stopped, and held still, kissing me deeply. His tongue coaxed mine into action, and I was enjoying the new distraction.

As his tongue thrust into my mouth, I moaned, and he abruptly pushed his hips forward against mine, and I felt a horrible stretching cramp inside, and a barely discernable tear. My moan turned into a shout of dismay, and I couldn't help tensing around him. Jacob spoke to me through his growling groan, obviously trying to keep from shaking too badly. He offered gentle and encouraging words until I relaxed and let myself open up again.

Soon he was moving smoothly inside me, and with each stroke the pleasure built upon itself until the discomfort was long gone. It felt different from how I'd imagined it in the past. The heft and heat of him inside me was wonderful, and there was a part of me responding to him that I had never registered before. I was practically wanton; pulling at him, wrapping my legs tight around his hips to try and bring him deeper, angling to meet his movements and even attempting to twist and turn my body to create new sensations. I could tell he was as deep as he could possibly be, and yet I wanted more and more of him, I wanted all of Jacob to be mixed with all of me. I felt the climb begin again towards culmination – the steady throbbing of my body in time with his rocking body. But in the end, Jacob was a young teenage boy experiencing his first time, and soon his movements lost their patience.

He sped up and became rougher, kissing me intermittently until he was just breathing too hard to manage. He was groaning and trying so hard to keep himself together, but I was much more interested in seeing him fall apart the way he saw me. I wanted to make him come with my body, to know that I could do that for him.

I gripped his sides and planted my feet on either side of his thrusting thighs. It was a wonderful angle that hit wonderful spots for me and created more friction. It also allowed me to tighten my muscles around him. I squeezed as he moved, and the reaction was instantaneous. Jacob growled out some sort of exclamation and frantically thrust into me harder. He squeezed my shoulders and threw back his head, hips jerking. It had to be the sexiest thing I had ever witnessed in my entire life. He kept moving inside me, and I felt a spreading warmth at my deepest point . On his next strong thrust, I came, my body squeezing around him involuntarily as we hugged each other tightly, waves crashing all around.

It took some time, but we eventually moved apart. Reality was setting in, and there was still going to be a battle and it was still cold out and Jacob softly reminded me that Edward might be back soon. I made no comment. Once we were both dressed again, I urged Jake to lie down with me again on top of the sleeping bag. I clutched him, not wanting to let go, not wanting to think about the consequences.

Jake was quiet and tense until I began kissing him again, and stroking his hair. I knew what he expected; he had every right to think the worst.

But I wasn't going to go back to Edward. I would love him still, but I couldn't give up my life for him. Jacob couldn't offer me eternal youth, eternal beauty, endless money or invincibility. But somehow, he could offer me so much more.

…

**I'd like to include an epilogue, but given my track record for updates, I don't think I should make any promises. I hope you guys enjoyed this! Thanks for the reviews I've received thus far, and thanks to the loyal readers who (hopefully) will forgive me for such an obscenely late update!**


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